Here’s something I’ve never shared before…and it feels pretty scary to write this but…if we can learn from each other there is even more beauty and power in our mistakes than we ever thought right??
Back in 2009 after I had graduated with a first class degree in psychology the only job I could get was in a petrol station. It was pretty demoralising and I actually had to remove my degree from my CV to get that job. I had to work 3-11 pm more or less every day, serving people cigarettes when just a few months earlier I had been sat in a lecture hall learning about brain damage and forensic psychology. It was depressing. I’d applied for graduate schemes and got rejected from them all. I’d applied for jobs in my chosen career path and got rejected from them all.
Back then, I was constantly looking for validation outside of myself so working in this job seriously damaged my self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, it wasn’t very good, to begin with…
Like a lot of women, I tried to find that self-worth in a relationship. Yet this relationship was all kinds of wrong. I knew from the first minute we kissed it was wrong and that I was going down a very slippery slope…but I didn’t stop it…because he made me feel so good about myself.
I didn’t know yet that I could do that for myself.
Yet, the writing was on the wall from day one and the day came that I knew was inevitable and he broke my heart into a thousand different pieces. The pain was unbearable and I did the thing I’d pretty much always done my whole life.
I ran away from my feelings, my problems and my insecurities. I quit my job and got on a one-way flight to Italy.
I stuck my head in the sand hoping it would all go away.
Of course, it didn’t and what should have been a clean cut was dragged out in a messy wound.
Up until I started my personal development journey a few years ago I would constantly run away from my problems. I assumed they would just magically disappear if I turned the other way…but of course, that never happened.
As human beings we are hardwired to avoid pain at all costs…but more often than not, the pain of dealing with our problems head-on is far greater than the dull ache of just sweeping them under the rug and pretending they’re not there. So that’s what we do.
The problem with that is, you’re going to spend your whole life avoiding pain rather than living in joy. If you stay on the same tracks you’re gonna keep stopping at the same stations.
The elephant will never leave the room unless you look it in the eyes and tell it to leave.
The first step to dealing with whatever is holding you back is knowing that you are enough in yourself. That you can handle anything life throws at you with grace and grit. Stop looking for validation outside of yourself. Your problems are your problems. No-one else can face them except you. You are strong enough to look them in the eye and finally, rip off the plaster.
These are simply challenges to be overcome. Stop using them as excuses. Get your big girl pants on and start problem-solving your way to success.
Eventually, I had to face the ugliness of my low-self esteem and complete lack of self-worth but it was the best thing I have EVER done.
I began to learn I was enough exactly as I was and now I clap for my own damn self.
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